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Lightning Fill In The Blank

Sep 29, 2018
Originally published on September 29, 2018 11:16 am
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can, each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS: Alonzo and Maz each have two. Jessi has three.

SAGAL: Oh, my gosh - Jessi ahead.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: So we flipped a coin. Maz has elected to go first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank.

During a press conference on Wednesday, President Trump accused blank of trying to swing the midterms against him.

MAZ JOBRANI: China.

SAGAL: Right. On...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Tuesday, an EU official warned that talks with Britain over blank were leading to a no-deal proposition.

JOBRANI: Brexit.

SAGAL: Right. This week...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...A court in Seattle agreed to clear past convictions for blank possession.

JOBRANI: Marijuana.

SAGAL: Right. On Tuesday...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Comedian blank was sentenced to three to 10 years for sexual assault.

JOBRANI: Bill Cosby.

SAGAL: This week...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Two teens broke into a pot dispensary in Colorado and made off with blank.

JOBRANI: Pot.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They made off with all the oregano the dispensary uses for their displays.

JOBRANI: Ah.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: Guess they're having pizza.

SAGAL: Amazon announced Tuesday that their upcoming NFL broadcast would feature the first blank commentary team.

JOBRANI: Female.

SAGAL: Yes, all women.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a plane in India...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Landed safely despite the fact that a man blanked while looking for a bathroom.

JOBRANI: I mean, he was looking for a bathroom...

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: He fell?

SAGAL: Lightning, Maz, lightning - what did he do?

JOBRANI: Oh, he...

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: He fell. He flipped. He...

SAGAL: No, he tried to open the emergency exit.

JOBRANI: Oh, no.

SAGAL: Oh, yes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He had never been on a plane before. He was wandering the aisle looking for the bathroom. He came to the emergency exit and tried to open it to - the flight attendants realized he was kind of lost, and they told him where the bathrooms were. They sent them forward, and he was able - he did his business. He's fine. He said it was pretty weird that the bathroom had all those instruments and panels in it and two guys screaming, what are you doing here?

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: It would have been more amazing if he opened that door and actually peed out the door while it was...

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: That would have been (laughter)...

SAGAL: Could you bank the plane a little bit to the right, just for a second?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Maz do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Welcome back, Maz - you got five right, 10 more points, 12 total. You're in the lead.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

JOBRANI: All right.

(APPLAUSE)

JOBRANI: Thank you.

SAGAL: All right. Alonzo, you're up next. Fill in the blank.

On Wednesday, the House approved a spending bill aimed at avoiding a blank.

ALONZO BODDEN: Shutdown.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: During a speech at the U.N., the president of blank said the U.S. was isolating itself from the world.

BODDEN: Germany.

SAGAL: No, Iran, in this case. On Thursday, the SEC filed a suit against Tesla owner blank for misleading investors.

BODDEN: Elon Musk.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: For the third time in 2018, the Federal Reserve raised blank.

BODDEN: Interest rates.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: At the 2018 TOUR Championship on Sunday, golfer blank claimed his first win in five years.

JOBRANI: Tiger Woods.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: They're fans.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, the founders of popular photo sharing app blank left the company to pursue future projects.

BODDEN: Instagram.

SAGAL: Instagram.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Seniors in New Zealand who are tired of book clubs...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Are encouraged to join a new organization that teaches elderly people how to blank.

BODDEN: Use their phone.

SAGAL: No. They teach the elderly citizens how to build their own coffin.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The club got started when a seniors group in New Zealand was searching for new activities, and one of the members said, I'd like to build my own coffin.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: From there, the so-called Coffin Club was born, inspiring other clubs around the globe and even its own movie. The club's leaders say that members will make new friends, learn woodworking skills and enjoy the pleasure of saying, there it is - the final nail in my coffin.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: Wasn't it - in "Fight Club," don't they say, what happens in fight club stays in fight club?

SAGAL: Yeah.

JOBRANI: What happens in Coffin Club stays in Coffin Club.

SAGAL: Pretty much.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Forever.

BODDEN: No, it's who happens in coffin club stays in coffin club.

JOBRANI: Stays in coffin clubs (laughter).

SAGAL: So, Bill, how did Alonzo do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Five right, 10 more points, total of 12. If that sounds familiar, you're tied.

SAGAL: All right, so how many, then...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...Does Jessi need to break the tie and win?

KURTIS: Five to win.

SAGAL: Here we go...

JESSI KLEIN: Oh boy.

SAGAL: ...Jessi.

KLEIN: Uh-oh.

KURTIS: You've got it.

SAGAL: This is for the game.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Here we go, Jessi. This is for the game. Fill in the blank.

On Wednesday, President Trump said he would prefer to keep deputy attorney general blank on the job.

KLEIN: Rosenstein.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: New research released on Monday found that blank's popular weedkiller was harmful to honeybees.

KLEIN: No idea.

SAGAL: Monsanto - Roundup. Following several high-profile clashes with the mayor of San Juan, Trump said that he opposes statehood for blank.

KLEIN: Puerto Rico.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a class action lawsuit was filed against blank for conspiring to increase the cost of event tickets.

KLEIN: Ticketmaster.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, a federal judge reinstated protections for the blanks living in Yellowstone Park.

KLEIN: The bears.

SAGAL: The grizzly bears.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, the surgeon general urged Americans to get blanks within the next month.

UNIDENTIFIED AUDIENCE: Flu shots.

KLEIN: Flu shots.

SAGAL: Flu shots.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: This week, a Chick-fil-A in Florida...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Gave a customer free meals for life to celebrate blank.

KLEIN: Being in - for the birthday - for driving in a car with their driver.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They gave him free meals for life to celebrate the man's 100th birthday.

KLEIN: Oh, of course.

SAGAL: Stephen Bellissimo has been a regular at the Oldsmar, Fla. Chick-fil-A for almost 20 years when the manager found out he would be turning 100. They knew just the gift to get him. They threw a celebration. They gave him a certificate offering him free Chick-fil-A for life. Bellissimo says he's thrilled to be coming in for fried chicken every day, which ironically means he'll stop getting free food much quicker.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, did Jessi do well enough to win?

KURTIS: Jessi needed five, and she got five.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

(APPLAUSE)

KLEIN: Thank you. Yes. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.