89.1 WEMU

Limericks

Jul 28, 2018

Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks ... Unwanted Ad, Facial Recognition, Petting Zoo.

Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

FAITH SALIE, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's a game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT, that's 1-888-924-8924, or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming shows: August 9 at Millennium Park in Chicago, August 30 in Milwaukee, Wis., and September 27 in Los Angeles, Calif.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

LESLIE RACLINE: Hi there. This is Leslie from Newark, Del.

SALIE: Hello, Leslie from Newark, Del. That's so confusing to me.

RACLINE: Yeah. It's confusing to a lot of people. There's not a lot of folks who leave Delaware.

SALIE: Not a lot of folks who leave Delaware. That sounds very ominous.

(LAUGHTER)

ADAM FELBER: It's the worst state slogan ever.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Well, welcome to the show, Leslie.

RACLINE: Thanks.

SALIE: Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two limericks, you're a winner. Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Though most straphangers try to disarm it, I wear tank tops to show off this charm kit. When it's shoved in your face, it's a useful ad space. I have printed some text in my...

RACLINE: Armpit?

SALIE: Yes.

KURTIS: Exactly.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SALIE: Yes. Finally, there's a more embarrassing place to put your ad than a podcast.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: The Wakino Ad Company pays men and women to shave their armpits and have a small ad placed there in the form of a sticker or temporary tattoo. This is a great way to get people talking, specifically asking, why is that guy walking around with both arms up?

TOM BODETT: Nothing to make you want to buy than hearing about it the first time in somebody's armpit.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: What - I mean, what could you do for Motel 6 with that?

BODETT: I've been doing that for 30-some years. If they asked me to get a tattoo in my armpit, I'd probably do it.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: I mean, let's face it.

FELBER: You're a businessman.

BODETT: Right. Yeah. I'm a business guy, right?

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Wouldn't it be fun if NPR did this? You know, you raise your arm, and suddenly, you hear...

KURTIS: Support for this armpit comes from Lumber Liquidators.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Leslie, here's your next limerick.

KURTIS: In Cleveland, we know he's LeGone (ph). Use those feelings his move will LeSpawn (ph). I can't smile in my pic, so the DMV's trick is to show me the face of...

RACLINE: LeBron.

SALIE: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SALIE: LeBron.

(APPLAUSE)

SALIE: The Ohio DMV has a rule - no smiling on your driver's license. So to make sure drivers aren't even tempted, they're posting pictures of LeBron James in a Lakers uniform.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: This move has cut down on smiling, but incidents of road rage inside the DMV are up 20 percent.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: If you really want to make Cleveland fans unhappy, just post a picture of Kevin Love and J.R. Smith in their Cavs jerseys.

FELBER: Oh.

SALIE: Wait. Hang on while I text my husband to find out what that joke meant.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: You know, without LeBron, the Cavs are known for being the team with that guy who keeps cheating on Khloe Kardashian. And she's stuck with him. Come on, LeBron. A Kardashian is more faithful to Cleveland than you. Oh, hang on. My husband is texting me back. He says, what is a Kardashian?

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Leslie, here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: To help nannies and billies emote, I act like a warm, comfy coat. I'll bleat all forlorn and watch out for the horns. My job is to cuddle a...

RACLINE: Goat.

SALIE: Yes.

KURTIS: Goat.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SALIE: Yes, Leslie. You (imitating goat bleating) made the right choice.

(APPLAUSE)

SALIE: The Hux Family Farm in North Carolina is hiring people to cuddle with their goats. You're the big spoon. The goat is a little spoon, and it's eating an actual spoon.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: The goal is to make goats feel comfortable around humans, so they can - and this is true - be better partners during goat yoga. Goat yoga, of course, is where you do yoga poses while a goat climbs all over you and tries to eat your yoga mat.

FELBER: We don't deserve a country any more.

BODETT: I know. I know.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: I'm OK with it being destroyed. Goat yoga - now we have to train the goats to be better during goat yoga.

BODETT: Yeah.

SALIE: Also, we should specify, this is not a paid position - something that, unfortunately, no one told Peter Sagal before he quit this job on Monday and moved to North Carolina.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Bill, how did our friend Leslie do?

KURTIS: What a score. A perfect score for her.

SALIE: Congratulations, Leslie.

(APPLAUSE)

SALIE: Thank you for playing with us. Bye now.

RACLINE: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "HOLD ME NOW")

THOMPSON TWINS: (Singing) Hold me now. (Goat bleating). Whoa. Hold my heart. (Goat bleating.) Stay with me. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.