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Limericks

Aug 11, 2018
Originally published on August 11, 2018 10:57 am
Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows over at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming shows in Milwaukee August 30, Los Angeles September 27 and Orlando, Fla., on November 15.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

GRETCHEN ROSS: Hi.

SAGAL: Hi. Who's this?

(LAUGHTER)

ROSS: This is Gretchen.

SAGAL: Hey, Gretchen. Where are you calling from?

ROSS: I'm calling Kalamazoo, Mich.

SAGAL: Kalamazoo. We love Kalamazoo.

(CHEERING)

ROSS: It's pretty great.

SAGAL: It has the most amusing name in the upper Midwest. What do you do there?

ROSS: True that. I work for Hospice Care of Southwest Michigan as a music therapist.

SAGAL: You're a music therapist?

(CHEERING)

ROSS: I am - woo.

SAGAL: So I've always wondered, do you play music for people or do you help them play music to feel better?

ROSS: A little bit of both. It just depends. It's very client-centered, so it's a mix.

SAGAL: Well, thank you for all you do, Gretchen.

Bill Kurtis is now going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to play?

ROSS: I'm ready.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Of men, I hate live ones the most. The beyond keeps me fully engrossed. Our spirits connect, and yes, we've had sex. I've had some affairs with a...

ROSS: Ghost.

SAGAL: Yes, a ghost.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: It is.

SAGAL: An Australian woman says she has a new boo...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...A ghost, who she's hoping to settle down with. The woman's name, and this may be all you need to know, is Amethyst Realm.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: She says, she gave up on dating men and prefers dating phantoms. So when she gets ghosted, it means something very, very different.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'm sure there are some people who are out there going, sounds crazy. And there are some women going, why not?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No - she and the ghost - she said they want to have kids. They're currently trying to decide if they'll have the child at a hospital or do a home birth and hire a boola (ph).

AMY DICKINSON: Oh, my God.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Instead of a natural birth, she's opting for a caescarean (ph) section.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Oh, God. Oh, no.

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON: Boo.

(LAUGHTER)

PETER GROSZ: Well, there's ghosts here tonight.

SAGAL: There's a ghost here. They're saying boo. We must be haunted.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

ROSS: OK.

KURTIS: This ride goes clip, clop, not chug, chuggy. The blanket in back keeps you huggy. My business maneuver is called Amish Uber, a ride share with horse and a...

ROSS: Buggy.

SAGAL: Yes, a horse and buggy. A Michigan man has created what he calls Amish Uber.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: For $5, Timothy Hochstedler, an Amish man, will give you a ride wherever you want to go in his horse and buggy, as long as it's somewhere in his small town. There's no app, by the way, it's all analog.

DICKINSON: Do you have to, like, write him a letter?

SAGAL: Yes, exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Dearest sir, I require your services a week from Friday.

GROSZ: Fortnight hence.

SAGAL: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, you just - you wave him down in the street. He - clippity, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop (ph) - pulls up, you get in. It's just like the regular Uber in that your driver is a religious weirdo and the vehicle smells like horse poop.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Gretchen, here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Whether barrel or tub isn't clear, but it's filled with some bubbly good cheer. The spa's subtle craft is a nice hoppy draft. I soak in a vat filled with...

ROSS: Beer.

SAGAL: Yes, beer. Have you ever dreamed of soaking in a jacuzzi filled with warm, bubbling beer? If so, what's wrong with you?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But if you want to do that, head to the Misugi Resort in Japan. It's craft beer, remember, so you have to pretend to be able to tell the difference.

DICKINSON: Oh.

GROSZ: Don't they serve - do they - they give Kobe beef - do they give them beer or do they massage them?

SAGAL: I believe they massage them.

GROSZ: I feel like they're - that's they're like - doing the same thing to people. They're, like, bathing them - they're, like, marinating somebody.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What's really terrible is that they take you out of the beer, and they put you in a big Ziploc with spices and shake you.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Then you know you're in trouble.

Bill, how did Gretchen do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Perfect, perfect, Gretchen. Thank you.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Gretchen.

ROSS: Yay.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well done. Give our best to Kalamazoo.

ROSS: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SPLISH, SPLASH")

BOBBY DARIN: (Singing) Splish, splash, I was taking a bath long about a Saturday night. Yeah. A rub dub, just relaxing in the tub thinking everything was all right. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.