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Limericks:

Sep 1, 2018
Originally published on September 1, 2018 11:12 am
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show at the Greek Theater in Los Angeles on September 27 and our show in Orlando, Fla., on November 15. Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

JENNIFER: Hi, guys. This is Jennifer (ph) calling from beautiful Gulf Breeze, Fla.

SAGAL: Oh, my gosh. Where is Gulf Breeze? I'm assuming it's on the Gulf.

JENNIFER: About three miles from Pensacola, across the bridge. We're a little barrier island.

SAGAL: Oh, I - well, that's nice. So you're up in the panhandle.

JENNIFER: Yes.

SAGAL: Yeah. So that's...

JENNIFER: They call it LA.

SAGAL: That's not Florida as we...

JENNIFER: (Laughter).

SAGAL: ...Think of it.

JENNIFER: Exactly. They call it LA. We live in Lower Alabama.

SAGAL: Oh, I see.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Jennifer, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. You ready to play?

JENNIFER: I am.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: My sharkskin suit oozes with snazz. You dig me. I'm smooth with pizzazz. If small fish can jive, that might keep them alive because this shark here is hip to hot...

JENNIFER: Jazz.

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Researchers in Sydney have discovered sharks have a stronger physical response to jazz than they do to any other musical genre. Isn't that amazing? It proves that sharks - this amazing prehistoric animal - really, they're just like us. They're terrified to admit to their cooler friends that they don't actually like jazz.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This changes a lot of things we had assumed about sharks. For example, think of "Jaws." That wasn't a soundtrack. It was just the shark doing, you know, some scatting - it's like (scatting).

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: (Scatting).

ADAM FELBER: Yeah.

SAGAL: All right. Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Though a sense of adventure will quicken, those hot wings in cookies might sicken. This Oreo flavor is simple to savor because everything tastes just like...

JENNIFER: Eww. Chicken.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Delivered with the appropriate disgust - thank you. If you've ever bitten into, like, a delicious Oreo cookie and thought, this is good, but there aren't enough bones - well, it's time to fill your cookie hole with hot chicken wing Oreos.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Ugh, yeah, this is...

SAGAL: Looks like the classic Oreo cookie on the outside, but the cream filling tastes like buffalo sauce. It's a sweet and savory combo that'll make you say, dear god, maybe I really do have a drinking problem.

(LAUGHTER)

ROXANNE ROBERTS: When did Oreo take this dark turn?

SAGAL: Well...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: These cookies are only available in China, which famously has much lower cookie safety standards than...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...We do here. But you can order a package off Ebay for 25 bucks. And really, that is a deal because there's nothing more delicious than sitting down to a plate of hot chicken wing Oreos and a frosty mug of ranch dressing.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick, Jennifer.

KURTIS: When Betsy's unhitched from the plow, she reclines at the beach with my frau (ph). It's hotter than planned, so we're sharing the sand. We nudists make room for a...

JENNIFER: Cow.

SAGAL: Yes, a cow.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: A cow, Jennifer - you're good.

SAGAL: Like everyone...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Like everywhere else this summer, it's been very hot in Sweden. But, unlike everywhere else, farmers in Sweden are letting their cows cool off at a nude beach. As you can imagine, Swedish nudists are not happy about this. They cite the health risks of sharing, you know, beaches with cattle. The cows don't like it either. They say the nudists are giving them body image issues.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Humans are so thin, and some of them have two udders.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Yeah. Yeah, you said that.

ROBERTS: You should see the cow bikinis.

SAGAL: I - they're - that's what...

POUNDSTONE: Cow-kinis (ph).

SAGAL: Yeah, where did we - when you think about it, where would a cow put on its bikini? We spent a lot of time talking about that. Yeah.

FELBER: Did we now?

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Well, that explains the rest of the show.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Jennifer do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Jennifer's unbelievable. How smart - 3 and 0.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well done, Jennifer. Thank you so much for playing.

JENNIFER: Thank you.

SAGAL: Take care.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SURFIN' U.S.A.")

THE BEACH BOYS: (Singing) If everybody had an ocean across the USA, then everybody'd be surfing like California. You'd see them wearing their baggies, huarache sandals, too... Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.