89.1 WEMU

Limericks

19 hours ago
Originally published on November 10, 2018 1:56 pm
Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or you can click the Contact Us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our show this Thursday in Orlando, Fla.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

MARK MULLEN: Hi. This is Mark Mullen from St. Louis, Mo.

SAGAL: Hey, Mark. How are things in St. Louis? I was just there.

MULLEN: The leaves are absolutely beautiful right now. And we're hoping they hold on for a little while longer. So...

SAGAL: I'm so glad.

MULLEN: ...Pretty good.

SAGAL: What do you do there in St. Louis?

MULLEN: I am a third-year medical student at St. Louis University.

SAGAL: That's good. What kind of doctor you want to be?

MULLEN: It's kind of in the air right now. But I lean pretty heavily toward psychiatry.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: You know, you might want to stock up on those little creamers.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Mark. Bill Kurtis is going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready to play?

MULLEN: Sure am.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

SAGAL: Alone at the bar I sit, waiting. Though I swipe right, my passion's abating. It turns out this app is a vote trolling trap. The campaigns have been ruining...

MULLEN: Dating?

SAGAL: Dating...

BILL KURTIS: Dating...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: ...It is.

SAGAL: ...Yes. Very good.

KURTIS: Good, Mark.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So Tinder, Bumble and Grindr isn't just the name of the world's pervious law firm. They're...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: These apps, dating apps, are a great way to meet people if you want the process of meeting people to be a soul-destroying torture. But this last campaign season, instead of the usual crop of Chads and Jakes, the apps were flooded with political activists. Say, a woman would swipe right on a man. And then the man would do the same. But instead of making a date, the woman would say, have you thought about voting for Beto? Really, the only thing worse than a bunch of drunk bros trying to hook up is a bunch of totally sober Bernie Bros.

(LAUGHTER)

LUKE BURBANK: I've been on that app. It's called Hinder.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Perhaps if I tickle the keys, we will cave-age some less runny Bries. Or loud Eddie Vedder might make heady cheddar. Let's see how some songs affect...

MULLEN: Cheese.

SAGAL: Yes, cheese.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The Swiss love...

KURTIS: Cheese...

SAGAL: ...Cheese...

KURTIS: ...It is.

SAGAL: ...So much that one man has decided to play his wheels of Emmental cheese different kinds of music to see if it makes the cheese taste different. That's true. I think we can assume the Gouda isn't the only thing getting smoked over there.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This is the project of a man named Beat Wampfler - his actual name. Coincidentally, Beat Wampfler is also the Swiss word for DJ.

BURBANK: (Laughter).

SAGAL: He has wheels of cheese aging on top of small speakers playing different kinds of music - everything from Led Zeppelin to A Tribe Called Quest. His theory is that the bacteria that age the cheese may cause different chemical reactions depending on whether or not they have rhythm. Avoid the Asiago, though. It ripens on the one and the three.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: You know, if it turns out that he's onto something...

SAGAL: Yeah.

POUNDSTONE: ...This could really be good for the music industry.

SAGAL: Yes.

POUNDSTONE: You know, a lot of performers. What if, you know - how exciting it would be to play live...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: In a cheese cave.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, exactly.

SAGAL: Yeah.

POUNDSTONE: For cheese. You know, Sarah Brightman was nervous about being in front of an audience. Put her in front of cheese.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. You have one more limerick. Let's see if we can go perfect, Mark. Here we go.

KURTIS: This mother's angelical hoard makes me an hysterical ward. She once was fed through me. And now it's my jewelry. I'm wearing my baby's...

MULLEN: Oh, gross.

(LAUGHTER)

MULLEN: Umbilical cord.

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: It is.

SAGAL: Umbilical cord.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes. If you...

KURTIS: (Laughter).

SAGAL: If you love your baby so much - feeding it and raising it's not enough - take its old bellybutton skin out of your memory box and put it in on a necklace. Umbilical cord jewelry is the hot, new fad. So be careful when complimenting a new mom's jewelry. An innocent wow, where'd you get your necklace opens the door to a conversation that starts with, well, my cervix was dilated eight centimeters.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: This really gives kind of a new meaning to the term, it could only be Jared.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Mark do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Mark did a great job. Every one is right.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Mark. Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

MULLEN: Thank you.

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.