89.1 WEMU

Limericks

Sep 15, 2018
Originally published on September 15, 2018 11:14 am
Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

EMILIESA HORWITZ: Hi. This is Emiliesa. I'm calling from Vashon Island, Wash.

SAGAL: Hey, Vashon Island - I know that. That's sort of across Puget Sound from Seattle, right?

HORWITZ: Yeah, between Seattle and Tacoma.

SAGAL: Yeah, that's - and what do you do there?

HORWITZ: I work at a sign company...

SAGAL: Yeah.

HORWITZ: ...Making signs and...

PAULA POUNDSTONE: You make...

HORWITZ: Yeah.

POUNDSTONE: ...Signs?

HORWITZ: I do.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah. What sign did you make today?

HORWITZ: I made, like, those sandwich boards that to go outside of restaurants.

POUNDSTONE: What did it say?

(LAUGHTER)

HORWITZ: Gosh, which one was this one? I think this one was actually for, like, go to the back entrance. This door's closed.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's...

P.J. O'ROURKE: Oh, I hate it when that's the special of the day.

SAGAL: That's terrible.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

SAGAL: Well, Emiliesa, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Ready to play?

HORWITZ: I am.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: I'll be chasing some really large tail. It's aquatic love on a big scale. With all of that blubber, they're real tender lovers. I am finding a mate for a...

HORWITZ: Whale?

SAGAL: Yes, for a whale.

KURTIS: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: For the past few decades...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The amount of North Atlantic right whales has dropped considerably because they are simply not mating. No one knows exactly why, but marine biologists think it's because they swim around naked all the time, and there's just no mystery left.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Lots of right whales, no Mr. Right whales, apparently.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Or too many sperm whales, not enough egg whales. Who knows?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Oceanographers are doing what they can to help. Most importantly, they are making sure to pair humpback whales with hump-front whales.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Because that's how it works. I majored in zoology, so I know that.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Yeah. By the way, I just dropped a hundred there on the floor.

SAGAL: Yeah, I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Emiliesa, here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: As we make high-tech seats for you geeks, we will use 3D scanning techniques. Then your new gaming chair fits just one derriere. We are making a mold for your...

HORWITZ: Feet?

SAGAL: No, not...

O'ROURKE: Close.

SAGAL: ...Quite. Rhymes with geeks and techniques.

HORWITZ: Oh, cheeks?

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: Cheeks.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, IKEA announced 3D butt-scanning technology...

O'ROURKE: (Laughter).

SAGAL: ...To give customers what we always wanted - a reason to get naked at IKEA.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The furniture giant wants to appeal to gamers - people who sit for hours at a time while their butt slowly slips into a numb butt coma.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The custom-built chairs will be molded to accommodate every nuance and curve of the gamer's caboose, raising the question, uh-oh - where did the Allen wrench go?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: According to Fast Company, gamers spend an average of six hours a day sitting. That number is growing, along with the size of the butt.

POUNDSTONE: Yes, really.

NEGIN FARSAD: What happened to, like, that whole era when everyone was, like, I'm buying a walking desk, and, like, everything's about standing, and standing is the new sitting and all that?

SAGAL: That lasted about 10 minutes.

FARSAD: What?

SAGAL: Get me a molded butt seat and leave me alone.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Emiliesa, here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Their bird personality's quirky, and their bawk gobble squawk is so perky. Without wattle or beak, I'm still eager to speak. I'm learning to talk like a...

HORWITZ: Oh, boy.

SAGAL: Oh, boy.

O'ROURKE: Think Thanksgiving. Think Thanksgiving.

HORWITZ: Oh, turkey.

SAGAL: Turkey, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Turkey it is.

SAGAL: The BBC this week profiled naturalist Joe Hutto, a man who says he can talk to turkeys in their own language. Mr. Hutto, known to his turkey pals as (imitating turkey gobble)...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Has raised 16 wild turkeys and, along the way, he says he has learned to understand them. For instance, he says, if a turkey sees a snake, it will tell other turkeys to run. Or, if running is not an option, the turkey will say, if I must die, I will encounter darkness as a bride and hug it in mine arms.

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: Get out.

SAGAL: No, really - they'll say that.

O'ROURKE: Yeah.

SAGAL: Hutto says turkeys are much more intelligent than we give them credit for and admits he's still learning their difficult language. All he can really say in Turkey is, my name is Hutto and gobble gobble biblioteca (ph)?

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Peter, will you say how he's known again? Will you say...

SAGAL: (Imitating turkey gobble).

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Emiliesa do on our quiz?

KURTIS: She got every single one....

SAGAL: Congratulations, Emiliesa.

KURTIS: ...Emiliesa.

(APPLAUSE)

O'ROURKE: All right.

HORWITZ: Thank you.

SAGAL: Well done. Congratulations and thanks for playing.

HORWITZ: Thank you. Bye.

POUNDSTONE: Bye.

SAGAL: Bye bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "TALK DIRTY TO ME")

POISON: (Singing) Lock the cellar door, and, baby... Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.