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Panelist Questions

Dec 16, 2017
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BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago. This is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Negin Farsad, Mo Rocca and Tom Bodett. And here again is your host filling in for Peter Sagal at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Mike Pesca.

(APPLAUSE)

MIKE PESCA, HOST:

Thank you, Bill. Thank you, Bill. Soon we will be playing the limerick game. If you want in on that, give us a call at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That is 1-888-924-8924. But first, Meghan Markle will soon be married to Prince Harry. And she'll be spending her first Christmas with the queen. We want Meghan to impress her future majesty-in-law. So we're going to play a game about royal Christmas etiquette that we're calling...

KURTIS: Yass, Queen (ph).

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

PESCA: OK, guys, guess the answer. Get a point. Mo, once a year around Christmas time the palace staff stands in line to receive their gift from the queen. When she hands it to them what are they required to say. A - thank you. It's exactly what I wanted. Or B, did you get a gift receipt?

MO ROCCA: Thank you. That's exactly what I wanted.

PESCA: That is correct.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

PESCA: And it is also true because the staff is allowed to ask for whatever they want for Christmas as long as it's under $45.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: Negin, the queen has a tradition of giving what to the needy each year - a hundred pounds of coal or a hundred corgis?

NEGIN FARSAD: A hundred pounds of coal.

PESCA: It is the coal.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

PESCA: She used to donate 900 pounds of coal every year, but that was before she learned poor people didn't actually live like Bob Cratchit.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: But I don't get it. I thought it would've been the corgis. Are they supposed to, like, squeeze it into diamonds? What are they supposed to do with the coal?

TOM BODETT: No, a corgi does not work like that, Mo.

FARSAD: No, they're supposed to...

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: OK, Tom. Prince Charles received a gift one Christmas that he loved so much, he will not travel without it. What was it? Was it, A, a white leather toilet seat or, B, a candle with a wind blocker?

BODETT: Oh, gosh. That's got to be a leather toilet seat.

PESCA: It was a leather toilet seat.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

PESCA: He claims it's really comfortable and allegedly has it shipped overseas when he is abroad.

BODETT: Hard to clean leather, you know?

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Oh, I just saw something - queen coal technology.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Yeah.

PESCA: OK, Mo, on Christmas Eve the royal family plays charades. But they aren't allowed to stop until what happens? A, Prince Charles finally gets a point - He's very competitive but also very bad at charades. Or B, the queen falls asleep?

ROCCA: I think it's probably Prince Charles getting a point.

PESCA: It's actually the queen falling asleep.

ROCCA: Oh, she can fall asleep?

PESCA: Yes. Rumor is she really likes playing charades. So have her favorite beverage, Monster energy drink, right there handy.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: And with that, we wish Meghan the best of luck and Merry Christmas.

(MUSIC)

PESCA: OK, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Tom, this week Secretary of Interior Ryan Zinke banned a reporter for his weekly conference call after the reporter claimed in a story that Zinke was what?

BODETT: Oh, god. He was a imbecile?

PESCA: Well, a - in a specific - I'll give you a hint. The guy doesn't know a nightcrawler from a spinner bait.

BODETT: Oh, he's a bad fisherman.

PESCA: He's a bad fisherman, correct.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

PESCA: Outside magazine - which, when you think about it, really should not be covering the secretary of the Interior - sent a reporter to go fly fishing with Zinke. The reporter noted that Zinke rigged his reel backwords, couldn't cast his line and - when he finally caught a bigmouth bass - was surprised it didn't sing a hilarious rendition of "Take Me To The River."

(LAUGHTER)

FARSAD: I mean, right now - it's such a - we have such a low bar. I'm just glad he's not, like, setting fire to fish.

(LAUGHTER)

FARSAD: You know what I mean? Like, this guy sounds great.

PESCA: Simply not catching and killing fish - we'll take it.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: It is funny. This is one of those stories - I mean, this week I'm laughing at Ryan Zinke for not knowing how to rig a reel or for Roy Moore for not knowing how to ride a gaited horse. I have no idea what these things are.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: But I'm going to laugh at them.

FARSAD: Oh, you're so alone. We, like, literally all know how to ride a gaited horse.

(LAUGHTER)

FARSAD: It's embarrassing for you.

ROCCA: How do you think we got here?

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: I'm not just wearing chaps because they're comfortable.

(SOUNDBITE OF NITT GRITTY DIRT BAND SONG, "FISHIN' IN THE DARK") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.