ABOUT ALICE LIAO:
Alice began her career in the automotive industry and quickly realized that her passions were elsewhere. She brings both her business experience and social work training in community organization and nonprofit management to GrieveWell. Since receiving her MSW from University of Michigan, Alice has helped nonprofits establish and create the brand voice behind their vision and strategy. Alice has personal experience with loss and hopes more people learn and take advantage of GrieveWell services and programs no matter where they are on their grief journey.
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TRANSCRIPTION:
David Fair: This is 89.1 WEMU, and it's getting to be that time of year. The holiday season is approaching, and for all too many, it's actually a time of hardship. That includes those grieving the loss of someone they love. I'm David Fair, and welcome to this week's edition of Washtenaw United. Grief--it's deeply personal. And how we react to it is distinctly individual, but it's also universal. We all go through it at some point. There can be relief and help when we find people to share with and help us get through it. And that brings us to our guest today. Alice Liao is Outreach and Marketing Manager for the Ann Arbor-based nonprofit called GrieveWell. There is life after loss, but we can all use an ear and a shoulder to help us to a better place. And, Alice, I thank you so much for making time for us today!
Alice Liao: Thank you so much for having me on, David!
David Fair: You have a master's of social work from the University of Michigan, so I'm betting that, prior to this job, you had some professional understanding of the impacts of grief. Has that understanding evolved since you began work at GrieveWell?
Alice Liao: Oh, absolutely! In fact, it's involved because, since then, I have experienced personal great loss. I lost my father very suddenly about eight years ago. And that what's been so meaningful for me to work with a nonprofit such as GrieveWell.
David Fair: What about us as human beings makes us process grief in such different ways?
Alice Liao: Well, I think the issue that's important is that grief is universal and a natural part of life, but our society has lost many of the customs and traditions that once surrounded and supported grievers. A lot of people in grief, nowadays, believe that they have to just get over it quickly because our work doesn't provide a lot of time off for us, really just long enough, to attend the funeral, let alone if you have to plan one. And those around us can sometimes feel so uncomfortable with our griefs, and they expect us to have an end date to our grief and to return to the real world. And that leaves us grievers feeling really isolated and confused.
David Fair: Why are we so dedicated to not asking for help, to not reaching out, and not making the time in our lives to properly take note of loss?
Alice Liao: You know, I think grief is such an uncomfortable topic for a lot of people, especially for those who haven't experienced it. There's just a lot of stigma around it. And that's why at GrieveWell, our mission is to let everyone know that there are healthy ways through grief and that there are ways and tools where we can honor our lost loved ones and, at the same time, build a full life after loss.
David Fair: This is 89.1 WEMU's Washtenaw United, and we're having a conversation with Alice Liao, and it continues. She is from the Ann Arbor-based nonprofit GrieveWell, Alice, as we approach Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas and Kwanzaa, the holidays just seem to be a time where sense of loss and grief can hit particularly hard. Why is it that for so many the holidays are more difficult to navigate?
Alice Liao: I think it is because we associate the holiday season with family, friends and festivities for parties. But for those who are grieving, the holidays can be a painful time because it just reminds us that our loved one is no longer with us. And that's why our grief can often be heightened during this season where everyone around us seems so busy celebrating. But inside, we are just missing our lost loved ones so much, and we're trying to figure out ways to include them in the festivities, even though they're no longer physically with us. You know, maybe we want to do something different. Maybe, we want to be alone. Maybe, we want to take time off from all the celebrations. It can be a really difficult time.
David Fair: The holidays—obviously, a time of tradition and heritage, and you had brought up those things in terms of grief. How do we apply some modern strategies to better deal with the holidays now that we've moved away from some of those older traditions and dealing with loss?
Alice Liao: Yeah. So, one thing that we talk about at GrieveWell is finding ways and time to honor your loved one. And sometimes, this can be using a mind mapping activity. You can find this activity for free on our website if you just go to www.grievewell.com and go to our free resources. This is a worksheet where it kind of helps you quickly brainstorm information and find connections. And it can be a helpful tool for involving multiple people in the ideation process and spark the sharing of memories and stories. Something else that we encourage folks to do ahead of time is to make a holiday plan to help you prepare for the holidays after the loss of a loved one. And this can include a list of people you will be spending the holidays with. And you can also discuss traditions, such as what rituals and traditions do you anticipate being the hardest and then allow each member of the group to share their thoughts. And you can also allow members of the group to discuss what they think will be the most difficult about these events and brainstorm ways to support each other. You can also decide together do you want to keep the event or tradition the same? Do you want to change it a little bit, or do you want to skip it all together?
David Fair: Once again, we're talking with GrieveWell Outreach and Marketing Manager Alice Liao on 89.1 WEMU's Washtenaw United. Support groups, individualized therapy, the peer-to peer-support you've mentioned, if I came to GrieveWell or to you after a significant loss, how would you assess which of those or which combination might best serve my individual need?
Alice Liao: Yeah. So, our one-to-one peer support program has been very effective when it comes to creating genuine connection and community amongst grievers in our community. Our group of peer counselors are volunteers from the community who have been through their own grief journey and have acclimated to their loss. Under the support and direction of a licensed social worker, our peer counselors are trained to provide compassion and support to adults in grief. They understand the confusion, the sadness, the anger, the ups and downs. Something that we often mention in GrieveWell is that our grief will come in waves. And then, our grief counselors are individuals who have either lost a spouse or partner, child, parent, close friend, and they have learned how to live a full life after loss. And when you are a griever and you come to us, we will do an intake, we will match you up with a peer counselor who has experienced a similar loss as yourself, and then you can meet with your peer counselor for up to 12 months. And this is all free of charge. Something else that we offer is if you go to our website and check out our upcoming events calendar, we have a series of online events, and these events are free where you can explore different ways to express your grief. So, for example, we offer exploring your grief through poetry or exploring your grief through doing an art project with a licensed art therapist. You can also explore your grief through music with a music therapist. And we also have yoga sessions where trying to connect with our body and our mind during this grieving process. So again, all of our workshops and webinars are free of charge. Our one-to-one peer support pro program is currently for Michigan residents only.
David Fair: Throughout our conversation, I sense that the overall message is that we are not alone, and there is no particular methodology that works for one person as opposed to another. It is based on individual need. But the tendency, again, is for us to kind of stuff down that grief and function through it. There are repercussions to not dealing with loss and grief, aren't there?
Alice Liao: Absolutely! So, at GrieveWell, we talk a lot about the myths of grief. One of the top myths is that the pain from experiencing loss will go away more quickly if I ignore it. And ignoring the pain just will not make it go away. Facing your grief actively will help promote true healing. Something we have said in our understanding grief webinars, which we host regularly, in fact there's a session coming up on Monday, November 10th, is that we can't heal what we don't feel. When we are actively understanding and feeling our grief, that is when true healing happens. You're going to have good days. You're going to have bad days. But you will find ways to move forward, not move on, move forward more quickly, if you can face your grief.
David Fair: Well, our time together is winding down, but I'd like to ask a final question, and you brought this up at the beginning, but you suffered tremendous loss with the passing of your father some eight years ago. How do you still mourn today and still live healthily and productively?
Alice Liao: Yeah, I think about him every day. There are moments that I carve out from my daily time, whether intentionally or non-intentionally, I think of him. And oftentimes, I will look at a picture of him and just say, "Hey, I miss you, Dad," or, "Hey, I love you, Dad," or "Thank you, Dad, for all of the opportunities you've given me." On Saturdays, I'll look at a picture of him and say, "Gosh, I really wish you could be here to meet my kids." So, I keep him to me. I'm keeping my love for him and my memories of him alive by actively carving out moments throughout the day to think about him and to honor him.
David Fair: Alice, thank you so much for taking time and talking to me today and thank you for sharing. I think it's been most helpful.
Alice Liao: Thank you so much, David!
David Fair: That is Alice Liao. She is Outreach and Marketing Manager at GrieveWell in Ann Arbor. If you'd like more information on the nonprofit and how it might help you, stop by our website at WEMU.org. We'll get you connected. Washtenaw United is produced in partnership with the United Way for Southeastern Michigan, and you hear it every Monday. I'm David Fair, and this is your community NPR station, 89.1 WEMU-FM Ypsilanti.
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