ABOUT KATE POWERS:
Kate Powers is the Branch Director of Ele’s Place Ann Arbor, a healing center for grieving children and teens. With nearly two and a half decades of nonprofit and fundraising experience, focused primarily on children’s needs, Kate brings a wealth of knowledge to the role of leading the Ele’s Place team in Ann Arbor.
RESOURCES:
Ele's Place Ann Arbor on Facebook
Ele's Place Ann Arbor on LinkedIn
Ele's Place Ann Arbor on Instagram
Ele's Place Ann Arbor on YouTube
TRANSCRIPTION:
David Fair: This is 89 one WEMU. And welcome to this week's edition of Washtenaw United. Today's conversation comes two days before the start of Christmas and Hanukkah and three days before Kwanzaa. Typically, this is a time for celebration and gatherings of family and friends. For some, though, there's a hole in the season--a hole in their hearts. Losing someone close to you was never easy any time of year. And when you're a child or teenager, it can be even more difficult--grieving feelings of loneliness and isolation. The Lansing-based organization Ele's Place has a branch in Ann Arbor, and it's dedicated to helping youngsters deal with their grief and to find healing. Our Washtenaw United guest today is Kate Powers. She serves as executive director of Ele's Place. And thank you so much for the time today, Kate! I appreciate it!
Kate Powers: Thank you, David! I'm glad to be here!
David Fair: As I was thinking about our upcoming conversation and gave me a little time to reflect on my own experience with loss and grief. And as I did, I realized just how personal our conversation might become today. You've chosen to work in this arena, and I'm curious how or if personal experience informs why you do what you do.
Kate Powers: It absolutely does. And I think that that is one of the fantastic parts of the role that I have within Ele's Place is that I do have that opportunity to connect with others, talking about something that is very personal and very close to them. When I was a child, I had the experience of having both of my grandfathers die before my 15th birthday. And that was very transformative. I was close to both of them. But I think the thing that has helped me or has connected me even moreso to our mission and to the work that we do is that, now as an adult and as a mother, I have experience and have children who I'm very, very close with, experience the death of someone important to them and actually need our services here at these place. So, that really keeps me moving forward in this work and in this mission.
David Fair: Ele's Place has been around for about two-and-a-half decades now. How did it come about getting its name?
Kate Powers: So, in 1989, Helen Louise Snow Stover, who was nicknamed Ele at birth, died at 11 months old. And when she died, she had three siblings that were grieving her death, and they were all grieving her in very different ways. They were all different ages, of course. And her parents, Betsy and Woody Stover, really struggled to find grief support for their kids following Ele's death. And so, with Betsy and Woody, with committed volunteers in the mental health arena in the Lansing area and with the Junior League of Lansing, Ele's Place was founded as peer-to-peer support for grieving children and teens between the ages of three and 18 in 1991. From there, we have been able to expand resources for grieving children, teens, their families. We also serve young adults now across the state, both in Lansing and Ann Arbor, as you mentioned. And then, we do also have a branch in West Michigan, in Grand Rapids.
David Fair: Now, through the process of dealing with young people at Ele's Place, I'm sure a good number of commonalities are found in how youngsters grieve and heal. But they are different ages and at different maturity levels. I'm sure that each experience is not only deeply individual but very personal. So, how do you navigate that in helping people through the process?
Kate Powers: That's a really great question. So, as I mentioned, we are serving children ages 3 to 18, and that's specifically in our onsite program. We also have a school based program that's primarily for middle school and high school students. It's really important to us that the groups that we are serving are created and adjusted by developmental age. So, we have about five groups every night that we're running our programming, and those are pre-K and kindergarten, lower elementary, so kids up to about second or third grade, fourth and fifth graders in our upper level. And then, we have middle and high school groups. And so, we're actually able to tailor the work that we do to those age groups. Certainly, there are differences in how someone grieves based on their age. Younger kids don't even really understand the permanence of death. And so, we spend a lot of time helping them to understand that and recognize that we use really concrete language with all of our kids and our volunteers and the adults that we serve as well. We don't talk about losing Grandma or we don't talk about having your dad pass away. We talk about death and someone dying, and we use age-appropriate language to do so. We also use age-appropriate activities to help children to learn about their emotions and about their feelings. I think, certainly, when we think about grief, there is a lot of sadness. There can be anger, but there are a lot of other emotions that children and adults go through when they're grieving. And so, it's really important for us to help kids of all ages to identify what those emotions are, how to express them, and frankly, that all feelings and emotions are okay. We oftentimes have children who come in, and they feel a lot of guilt because they're not sad all the time. And that's the expectation of their peers or of adults around them. They do have moments of happiness and moments of excitement. And so, helping them to understand that even though you're grieving and even though someone has died in your life, that's okay.
David Fair: We're talking about grief and healing with Kate Powers on 89 one WEMU's Washtenaw United. Kate serves as executive director of Ele's Place, which has a branch office on Hines Drive in Ann Arbor. What about this sense of loss and grief makes some of us want to isolate and become an active participant in our own loneliness?
Kate Powers: I think, especially for children, David, they are not surrounded, fortunately, by other children who have had a similar experience. And, frankly, I think grief is very individual. While it is universal in that, the reality is we will all likely have an experience with grief in our life. It is also very individual in how people grieve. I think we hear a lot about the stages of grief and people expect grief to be very linear.
David Fair: Right.
Kate Powers: The reality is, is that grief is not a linear process. And I think that that's sort of a misnomer that our society has that you go through these stages. And then ,you're fine and you move forward in your life. And the reality is that you will grieve your entire life, frankly, after the death of someone important to you. It just changes over time, and you change over time. But I think the isolation comes from the fact that, one, it is very personal in how you grieve. But then, also for children and teens, there are not a lot of peers that have had that experience of having someone close to them. And so, for example, on the soccer team, there are probably not a lot of children who have had their mother die. You know, when you are in science class, you might be the only kid who is grieving the death of your sibling. With that said, we know that 1 in 11 children in the state of Michigan are going to experience the death of a parent or sibling before their 18th birthday. That number doubles by the time they're 25, and it does not include any of the other types of death or other loss that children experience, be it grandparents, friends, close family members, etc.. And so, it's really important for us to be able to be there to help support those kids, because it's almost this dichotomy of there are a lot of children who are going to need grief support. But when you think about it in their peer group, they may likely be the only person who has that experience.
David Fair: Once again, this is Washtenaw United, and we are talking with Ele's Place executive director Kate Powers on 89 one WEMU. Now, beyond dealing with the loss of a loved one, many youngsters and their families are then thrown into other life hardships: financial struggle, housing and food insecurity, academic difficulties. So, do you have wraparound services that provide the opportunity to heal without further damage?
Kate Powers: We do provide services and support for families who have experienced a death, both through providing adult support groups for the caregivers who are raising those children who have experienced the death of someone close to them. But we also have so many amazing partners in the community that are providing those levels of support. So, we really view ourselves as the folks who are helping families manage their grief, but we also are working with other community resources and community organizations to make sure that they have those opportunities. The one thing that I will say, and I appreciate that you mentioned that oftentimes following the death of someone, there can be a huge financial burden, certainly because of a lost income, if a breadwinner in the home dies or just medical bills. The cost of a funeral in and of itself can be detrimental to a family. And so, for that reason, we work very hard to ensure that our programs remain free. And so, all of the programs that we provide in our community, be it on site in our Hines Drive location, be it in our school-based programming or just the resources that we provide to the community to understand and better support. Grieving children are free, and they have been for the whole 35 years that we have been in existence.
David Fair: I have a question that is directly tied to the time of year, but through the course of my life, I have certainly lost a few people to untimely death around or in the holiday season. Speaking only for myself, it all hits kind of different when that happens. Do you see that in the kids that you're working with too?
Kate Powers: We certainly do. So, the average amount of time that most families will come to our programming is about 11 to 12 months. So, as you can imagine, a lot of the tim, families are experiencing the firsts--a lot of the firsts that they have in the year following their person's death. And certainly, this time of year can be very, very challenging when it comes to those firsts. But I think the other piece that sometimes people tend to forget is that, in addition to the firsts, it continues. I think we oftentimes, as a society or as a community, we find ourselves sort of wrapping our arms around people, following a really impactful death. Unfortunately, that doesn't last forever while grief does. And so, I think that this time of year brings forward memories. It brings forward challenges, in terms of navigating these traditions that we had without the person who died. And I think we make a lot of conversation with the families that we're serving about how to remember that person and how to keep those traditions alive, but then also how to build new traditions as you move forward in your grief and in this new structure of a family. We have an activity that we do, especially with younger children, and it is a holiday plate. And we ask the children to create a plate that features all of their person's favorite holiday foods and all of the memories that they have surrounding that holiday. And a lot of times, just that in and of itself, is really helpful in getting the family talking about their person and creating those memories and then in helping them to build new memories moving forward, which is really the challenging part when it comes to the holiday season, is that there are there is so much tradition and so many memories tied to this time of year. And I think that certainly honoring those memories, but then also creating new traditions and new memories is very important.
David Fair: Well, you know, I think most everyone is sensitive to someone who is grieving or in that sense of loss and wants to do something to help. How can we best approach without making someone feel like they have to adapt their grieving process to accommodate some sense of sensitivity to us?
Kate Powers: Yeah, certainly. I think that's really hard in our society and in this country. We don't we don't do death very well, I like to say. We don't manage grief and especially other people's grief. I think that important things to remember are that it's okay to say, "I don't know what to say." I think a lot of times everyone is looking for the perfect words to help support someone that they care about.
David Fair: And then, we don't say anything at all.
Kate Powers: Right. Exactly, or, we tend to start sentences with "at least" or make statements about someone being in a better place. And I think it's just better to say I'm not sure what to say, but I want you to know that I'm here for you. I think the other thing is that, a lot of times, we say to grieving people, "Let me know what you need." And I will say that, oftentimes, following the death of someone, especially someone that is very close to the caregivers, they don't know what they need. And so, taking a look at some of the resources that we have, both through our social media and also on our website about ways to support grieving families following that death, I think are great ways to sort of have the right words or have the right actions. But the reality is that, a lot of times, just being there and holding space for people is the most important thing that you can do.
David Fair: Well, Kate, I'd like to thank you for the time today and for reminding us that healing is possible, and that creating community really is a part of the solution.
Kate Powers: Thank you, David! It's an honor to be here!
David Fair: That is Kate Powers. She is executive director of Ele's Place, which helps children and teenagers navigate grief and find healing in the wake of losing loved ones. For more information, stop by our website at wemu.org. Washtenaw United is produced in partnership with United Way for Southeastern Michigan, and you hear it every Monday. I'm David Fair, and this is your community NPR station, 89 one WEMU FM, Ypsilanti.
WEMU has partnered with the United Way for Southeastern Michigan to explore the people, organizations, and institutions creating opportunity and equity in our area. And, as part of this ongoing series, you’ll also hear from the people benefiting and growing from the investments being made in the areas of our community where there are gaps in available services. It is a community voice. It is 'Washtenaw United.'
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